My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need to calm my uterus...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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