They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
