i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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