Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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