Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
