He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i will never coherently bang her
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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