She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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