So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
