my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just had sex bonerless
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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