How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
