Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
