They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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