I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
