So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
