do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
