is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
