i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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