my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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