Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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