There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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