Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dear god my vagina.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
