Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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