Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
