It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
