I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
