They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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