nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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