You just made me feel so damn special
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
