She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
