I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
