Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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