operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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