I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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