He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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