That's intense
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
