She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
