My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
