peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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