Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
