Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
