I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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