If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
