when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
