Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
