sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
