i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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