If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
