You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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