I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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