I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
