Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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