i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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