I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
