Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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