Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
