Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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