Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
