your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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