He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
