Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it glows. i had to have it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
