I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
