i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
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