just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
