I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
