kristin has been a bad kristin
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
