he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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