where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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