you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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