i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
