she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
