STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
