Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
